Harriette Cole: It offends me when she says I’m a late bloomer, like her
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DEAR HARRIETTE: My older sister and I are very close. She is much older than me, so she’s been more like a second mother to me than a sister.
My sister has always struggled to find her footing. She is approaching her 40s and just recently moved out of our family home and into her own place for the first time.
Something that she says to me regularly is that she thinks that I am a lot like her — a late bloomer. She thinks that I’ll probably have to deal with a lot of the same struggles that she has had in her adulthood.
I am only 22, and I don’t think that it’s fair to write me off as a late bloomer just yet. I struggled in high school a bit, but I’m on track to graduate from college, and I’ve always been a hard worker. It offends me a little bit when she assumes that I will struggle in life.
Should I say something to her about this?
— Not a Late Bloomer
DEAR NOT A LATE BLOOMER: Yes, you can talk to her.
Point out what you are doing right now to build your life. Thank her for her support over the years. And ask her to stop diminishing you with her predictions of struggle.
Ask her to wish the best for you and to say it out loud. Tell her that what you need most from her is cheerleading, not doomsaying.
Be mindful not to say that you don’t intend to turn out like her. That will hurt her feelings. Instead, remind her that you are young and full of potential. You are working right now to build on that potential.
You may also want to expand your sphere of support. Look for friends and members of your community who see greatness in you. Talk to them when you need to be inspired.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been working remotely for the past two years. In those two years, I’ve rarely worked anywhere but my home.
The other day, I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and work from a local co-working space. The office space wasn’t that busy, but I felt so nervous and anxious to be around so many people that I could stand to be there for only an hour or so.
I realize that I’m no longer used to working with people, and it’s given me severe social anxiety. How do I combat this?
— Social Anxiety
DEAR SOCIAL ANXIETY: Take it one step at a time. Putting yourself back out into the world can be scary at first.
If you are fully vaccinated, that should give you some solace. You can still wear a mask, though, to err on the side of caution.
Beyond that, why not go to the co-working space each day for a couple of hours for the first week? Then add an hour each day for the following week. Ease into the routine of getting out of the house and being around people.
Take the time while there to speak to some of the people in the space. Although people are there to work, they likely chose to go there to engage in some form of social interaction as well.
Slowly put yourself out there. Over time, it should get easier.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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